Circles, Ellipses, Ampersand

Wednesday morning.

I’m sat in the conservatory, slurping my morning coffee.
It’s another miserable, soggy British morning and the rain sounds like it’s coming down in sheets on the plastic roof.
April showers.

I’m sat in the conservatory, slurping my morning coffee.
I’m cursing my laptop for stalling every few minutes, lagging and showing it’s age. I love my Mac, but it’s getting old, technology has caught up and is beginning to surpass it.
I’ll need a new one soon if I ever want to get anything done.
Add it to the list.

Lag. Lag. Spinning rainbow of doom. Lag.

I’m sat in the conservatory, slurping my morning coffee.
I’m wondering how I’ll do it.

I’m sat in the conservatory, slurping my morning coffee.
I’m wondering if this would make a good slam poem, if my stream of consciousness could be considered art, if the sound of the rain will ever be loud enough to quiet my racing thoughts.

I’m sat in the conservatory, slurping my morning coffee.
I’ve got a huge decision to make.

Follow the yellow brick road, it’ll lead you straight to Oz. Aus? No, Oz.
There’s no place like home.
No Ruby Shoes, or ruby shoes.

I’m a creative writer.
I’m a teacher.
I’m a girl.
I’m a girlfriend, a partner, a sister, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, friend.
I’m torn in two.
Half my life in one hemisphere, half my life in the other.

Here are the things I know:
1. I want to live in Australia.
2. I want to build a future with Zac.
3. I want to be a teacher.
4. Visas are hard.

Perhaps we were being optimistic when we were researching visas, perhaps we thought we’d not have so much red tape, that it would somehow be easier. I’d done so much research and read so many different things, I thought I’d got all the facts straight.
And I had, for the most part.
The only thing I’d not really considered was how long everything takes.
Fast forward to two weeks ago, and being I’m super organised, I start taking a look at visas again, and ask my friend (who’s been through the same process herself) what to expect.
And then up is down, and the timing’s all wrong and there’s more and then less and it’s all…
It’s a lot. It’s overwhelming.
And it could be easy.
But we need to apply sooner rather than later, and then how do I work?

I was going to do my teaching degree, in Australia, once we were more settled, once kids were a serious factor, I wanted a job that would fit around a family. Anything up until that point is foundation building. We’re not financially driven, but we want to start off as well we can.
But I want my own visa.
I want to be able to say I’m there in my own right and I don’t want to feel that I’m forced to have to do anything just to be in Australia.
We can instantly exclude the partner visa, prospective marriage visa and de-facto visas then.
A student visa is expensive. A tourist visa is a given.
A student visa, I can work. A tourist visa I can’t.
I don’t have a second year working holiday – partly my own fault for not having the hindsight to try and get that sorted, but I knew in my heart I’d be at this point sooner or later and I didn’t want to delay the inevitable for another year.
We’re buying time.

At the moment, I’m trying to put things in place for as many possibilities as I can think of. We’re saving as much as we can and we’re slowly starting to build a nest egg.

But there are possibilities we’re having to seriously consider that we’d ignored, through optimism and hope and fear of the prospect.
I might not be able to go back. At least, not right away.
We might have to do the whole ‘international love affair’ thing.

We knew what we were getting in to. We know it’s never going to be easy and we love every stupid minute of the adventure we’ve started out on together. Mostly there’s smiles and laughter, stupid jokes, silly faces and moments you think will never end. Drives and cheat meals, chocolate and wrestling and not wanting to miss anything.

Right now…I miss when my hardest decision was which flavour honey to put in my coffee.
I have a flair for the dramatic.
It will work out. These things always do. We keep looking and asking and thinking.

Circles: never end.
Ellipses: there’s more to come.
Ampersand: an incomplete infinity.

So I’m sat in the conservatory, slurping my morning coffee.
I’m wondering just what the hell I’m going to do.


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